Bex Rolls in the Gutter for You
Bex Schwartz

At times like now, when I don't care about anything, I don't care about music. I used to care about the intricacy of Joni Mitchell's lyrics or the poignancy of Jeff Buckley's modulations or the complexities of the Incredible String Band's compositions. But, right now? I just don't give a flying fuck.

In fact, I care so little about anything right now that I am willing to go on record and completely demolish whatever shreds of Indie cred might remain on my apathetic and indifferent frame, a frame currently clothed in a sweat-stained Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen tee-shirt and a pair of trousers that are eight years out of style. Listen! I really like the new Alanis Morrisette song. The one where she gets all emo about the older man who
took advantage of her when she was a fledgling pop star. You know what else? I've had not one but two - count 'em,TWO - Shakira songs stuck in my head for a month. I tend to sing them at odd opportunities. And I don't care. And even more importantly, everytime I open my mouth and I'm not about to talk, I find myself belting "Heaven on Their Minds" from Jesus Christ Superstar - a fucking Andrew Lloyd Weber musical, for christ's sake - and it doesn't even bother me.

So, yeah, rip me a new one because I really like R.E.M. Make fun of me because I kinda dig the new Celine Dion single. Guffaw to your fabulous friends because I like old Bruce Springsteen songs. Yeah, and you can also sit on it and rotate. Because I don't want to play the game anymore. I don't care if you saw the White Stripes five years ago and you used to drink with the Strokes. I don't care if you're the person who discovered Badly Drawn Boy or if you've been listening to underground West Coast hiphop since the early 90s. Fuck, man, I don't care if you ARE underground West Coast hiphop. Biiiiiig fuckin' deal. "Oooooooh, look at me, I was listening to bluegrass years before 'O Brother Where Art Thou' won that Grammy." I don't care. "Oooooh, look at me, I have Andrew W.K's home-made demo tape." You go right ahead and rock out with your party self, but I don't care.

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May 2002

jay's head